we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
