She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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