So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
