This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
