Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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