I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
