I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
