The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
