Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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