Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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