ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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