DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He felt like a one man threesome
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
