i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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