the day after is always just damage control
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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