My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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