I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Someone came in the potted fern
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize