don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
