you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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