i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
