Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
