I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
