i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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