Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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