I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
