Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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