People with herpes should wear stickers.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
