No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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