Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
