plz talk dirty to me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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