I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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