Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
