Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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