I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
