he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
