he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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