I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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