No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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