get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
