the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
