Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize