Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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