you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
