i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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