Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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