Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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