And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
