Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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