you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
