Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
