i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
