oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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