i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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