idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dicks are not precious.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
