i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
