Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
