Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
