Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
