i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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