I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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