Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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