I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
