i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
