so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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