There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize