If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
